A quick update is due. I have finally been able to move closer to the city, and have moved in with one of my fellow film students into the apartment that I share with two other people.
It's been a year and some odd months since I left LA. Now I sit in a living room that belongs to no-one but the people that we wish to have around us. NO drugs, no mental patients, no people that don't understand film and what it means to be in love with something greater than ones self.
As I speak one of my room mates is at her third job the other is sitting on the couch next to me doing a script break down for her Directing class.
It's overall taken ten years and thousands of miles to get to this point. A sense of contentment that fills my vision has made greater my determination that the goals I have set for my self are not only attainable but truly a part of my life that will be achieved. Two years ago I was sleeping in an field, three months before that I had spent the night on Sunset blvd after being stranded.
I was trying to chase film, with no resources no hope. Now, not only do I have hope but I have look into the face of one of the greatest names in film on the planet and seen in him what I see every time I look in the mirror.
It's like my dad always says: "press on, this too shall pass".
It did and now the opportunity to truly challenge myself is all around me, and I can hardly believe my great fortune.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The Rebirth of "Dead Thursday"
To say that this is the project that just won't die! Well, that's just a massive understatement. It seems like things as they stand now are in a really good but strange spot. After months of very little communication Josh and myself have established a kind of calm necessary communication. Neither of us seems as emotionally invested as we where. Yet, it seems more now than ever that it actually stands a chance of getting made.
The things I needed are now at my disposal. Rob is going to be invaluable as an additional producer on the project. I actually have people that I can show this script to that will help me do the things I need to do to get it ready to get made. Through the experiences of the last few months I have learned what I need to be able to pitch this film and not feel nervous. Really when you think of it, I just pitched a MAJOR studio multiple times in the last month. Now, talking to a bunch of businessmen who just want to be a part of Hollywood and make money will be done right.
It's like a strange calm has settled over the project, where everyone is just going slow and thinking clearly.
I finally feel, amazing but not too much. I dunno, it's just perfect.
The things I needed are now at my disposal. Rob is going to be invaluable as an additional producer on the project. I actually have people that I can show this script to that will help me do the things I need to do to get it ready to get made. Through the experiences of the last few months I have learned what I need to be able to pitch this film and not feel nervous. Really when you think of it, I just pitched a MAJOR studio multiple times in the last month. Now, talking to a bunch of businessmen who just want to be a part of Hollywood and make money will be done right.
It's like a strange calm has settled over the project, where everyone is just going slow and thinking clearly.
I finally feel, amazing but not too much. I dunno, it's just perfect.
The little things.....
"A mind is a terrible thing to waste." So what do you do when your mind is wasting, your spirits are low and none of the 10 million "little" projects you have going(if even still in your mind) are amounting to nothing?
The universal answer to everything...work.
I often respond to this with well what if that does not work, the answer is still "go work".
Here is why:
Sometimes I will go to a set as an extra and I will have almost no excitement about being on a set. Even when I leave extras holding and am actually on the set still barely a glimmer of the awe and joy I had just a couple of months ago.
Then, it hits me. Where I am, what I am doing, and where I am trying to go. I then begin again to look with wonder through the lens of my imagination.
The set becomes once again a place of endless opportunity and experience. In the last few months I have done things that literally millions of people who "wish I could have" will never do. I am excited again because once again I am reminded that it's not about me, and yet I am the only one who can do what I do.
As I sit here typing this in a coffee shop in a perfect little Chicagoland sub-urb. I am very aware of the the solder in fatigues sitting with his classmates studying for some thing or another. Seeing the solder sitting here is a stark reminder to me that my little world is very very very fragile.
I can sit here and listen to "Coldplay" and whine about how I feel about my current film career. Or maybe I can appreciate every minute that I am not in a ditch thousands of miles from anyone that I have ever known waiting for the next 10 year old with a backpack full of explosives to kill me.
Courage, no matter why it is needed seems to be hard fought. At the end of the day the fight to earn your strength is always worth it. What ever it takes, what every you need to do, as a person to get yourself inspired. To find and re-find your reason-to-create.
Mine, it's all the stories that the people who lived them, can't tell.
It's not just documentaries, sometimes the raw facts just take too long to get out. With the right narrative you can tell 100 stories with just one. Saving Private Ryan did just that when the beaches of Normandy France where once again alive again for the thousands and thousand that where there. For all of the people who's lives where saved because of the Allied advance after that day. For all of the people on both sides who gave everything, and the people they left behind.
That single scene in one movie told the story of so many who, after having been there just had no words.
In the end, I have to keep working because it's the only why I can create(if even by accident) a situation in which I can be reminded of why I am doing what I am. For each of us it is different, if we lose ourselves in the process the only way I have found to cope is to "press on". Just keep on trucking and what you need will find you.
The universal answer to everything...work.
I often respond to this with well what if that does not work, the answer is still "go work".
Here is why:
Sometimes I will go to a set as an extra and I will have almost no excitement about being on a set. Even when I leave extras holding and am actually on the set still barely a glimmer of the awe and joy I had just a couple of months ago.
Then, it hits me. Where I am, what I am doing, and where I am trying to go. I then begin again to look with wonder through the lens of my imagination.
The set becomes once again a place of endless opportunity and experience. In the last few months I have done things that literally millions of people who "wish I could have" will never do. I am excited again because once again I am reminded that it's not about me, and yet I am the only one who can do what I do.
As I sit here typing this in a coffee shop in a perfect little Chicagoland sub-urb. I am very aware of the the solder in fatigues sitting with his classmates studying for some thing or another. Seeing the solder sitting here is a stark reminder to me that my little world is very very very fragile.
I can sit here and listen to "Coldplay" and whine about how I feel about my current film career. Or maybe I can appreciate every minute that I am not in a ditch thousands of miles from anyone that I have ever known waiting for the next 10 year old with a backpack full of explosives to kill me.
Courage, no matter why it is needed seems to be hard fought. At the end of the day the fight to earn your strength is always worth it. What ever it takes, what every you need to do, as a person to get yourself inspired. To find and re-find your reason-to-create.
Mine, it's all the stories that the people who lived them, can't tell.
It's not just documentaries, sometimes the raw facts just take too long to get out. With the right narrative you can tell 100 stories with just one. Saving Private Ryan did just that when the beaches of Normandy France where once again alive again for the thousands and thousand that where there. For all of the people who's lives where saved because of the Allied advance after that day. For all of the people on both sides who gave everything, and the people they left behind.
That single scene in one movie told the story of so many who, after having been there just had no words.
In the end, I have to keep working because it's the only why I can create(if even by accident) a situation in which I can be reminded of why I am doing what I am. For each of us it is different, if we lose ourselves in the process the only way I have found to cope is to "press on". Just keep on trucking and what you need will find you.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Making plans that make sense....Part II
Now that I have all of that out of my system here is what I "PLAN" to do about it.
Follow up with the the pitch every two weeks on Thursday or Friday until I get some kind of answer. If I get a "yes" then we move forward, and checks are signed yada yada. If a "No" then I ask if we can do it anyway with our own funds. Which I have a plan for...
Then everything else goes by the wayside in leu of me getting 40+ hours a week somewhere doing the tv show on my days off and making enough money that I can fund 2 days of filming "no picket fence" with my own cash then go work some more, then do 2 more days until the short is done.
During that time I will also move, and go back to school taking as many classes as possible.
The big picture, "I will be ready when Batman Begins shooting in Louisiana....." By the time production comes to town I plan to have enough money to have been on in Louisiana and to follow the show where ever and to make THE MOST out of that experience. Also I want to be ready with any pitches and any short films, or pilots that I feel I need to have done......
That's it for now, until it gets' "Adjusted"
Follow up with the the pitch every two weeks on Thursday or Friday until I get some kind of answer. If I get a "yes" then we move forward, and checks are signed yada yada. If a "No" then I ask if we can do it anyway with our own funds. Which I have a plan for...
Then everything else goes by the wayside in leu of me getting 40+ hours a week somewhere doing the tv show on my days off and making enough money that I can fund 2 days of filming "no picket fence" with my own cash then go work some more, then do 2 more days until the short is done.
During that time I will also move, and go back to school taking as many classes as possible.
The big picture, "I will be ready when Batman Begins shooting in Louisiana....." By the time production comes to town I plan to have enough money to have been on in Louisiana and to follow the show where ever and to make THE MOST out of that experience. Also I want to be ready with any pitches and any short films, or pilots that I feel I need to have done......
That's it for now, until it gets' "Adjusted"
Making plans that make sense....
For me a huge part of this business has been about knowing what I wanted. If you know what you want, exactly then you can break it down into small manageable chunks and that helps you know when you can have what you want. The only part left becomes the how...which of course in film is the hard part.
Usually what I want in terms of my career comes with a really good sense of why I want what I want. Some body said to me years ago(sorry I can't recall whom) that this business "forces you to become the person you have to be", or you don't make it. That last part I tacked on because you don't see people who are A-list anything who did not have to sacrifice and grow. No, Paris Hilton is not A-list in my opinion. Dave Chappelle said it best when he was on Inside the Actors Studio after his stint in Africa. Dave said, "There are no lazy people up here,(motions to the stage)". He was talking about Martin Lawrence and why various very talented individuals where struggling with fame.
Having said all of that my game plan, and I mean the big "Take over the world" plan for the most part stays the same. The steps to that plan are in a constant state of adjustment and flux. I will say that the big plan does not change as much as it get's "Fine Tuned".
Now to my real point: I can't decide what to do next.
Status updates:
There I said it and after working on the biggest movie of 2011, after meeting one of THE biggest names in Hollywood and having him give me and a friend of mine a job personally. After getting consistently on a TV show and getting a second job to fill the gaps that the TV show did not work me for, in the end it's not enough.
Granted I though I had an in for the PA job on this next big film that is in town but those with more experience and longer relationships got it. Which I don't really begrudge them for(ok maybe a little). Really thought I am not bitter just, well exhausted and kind of shell shocked. I mean here was this...thing that came into my life and took over and I loved every second of it. Well now, there is a slim chance that I can keep working on it but not very big one. I just did a short as a way of keeping myself relevant but the contest that supposed to keep me in a certain persons mind, rejected my film. I could not even compete in the contest.
So now what, I've got one group of rappers that think I am going to help them make the best underground video of all time, and a Editor/Director friend that thinks she has a buddy who might have some money to give if some film people want to help him create content for his web-site which gets 200 hits per every video he puts out himself.
While all of this is well and good, I have $2.00(excluding other random change) dollars to my name 3 suit cases of clothes a box of paper and my laptop to my name. Oh and a cell phone bill and a storage unit bill for all my junk that is still in SO-CAL.
So two bills, no real income, and a couple of "maybe it will work" to potentially work on. Not to mention my own short "no picket fence" which seems to never be getting made. Did I mention that I need to move soon? That last one is the biggest really, with no real money coming in the "grace" of my hosts is wearing thin, as it should be.
Enough whining, it's solution time!
Usually what I want in terms of my career comes with a really good sense of why I want what I want. Some body said to me years ago(sorry I can't recall whom) that this business "forces you to become the person you have to be", or you don't make it. That last part I tacked on because you don't see people who are A-list anything who did not have to sacrifice and grow. No, Paris Hilton is not A-list in my opinion. Dave Chappelle said it best when he was on Inside the Actors Studio after his stint in Africa. Dave said, "There are no lazy people up here,(motions to the stage)". He was talking about Martin Lawrence and why various very talented individuals where struggling with fame.
Having said all of that my game plan, and I mean the big "Take over the world" plan for the most part stays the same. The steps to that plan are in a constant state of adjustment and flux. I will say that the big plan does not change as much as it get's "Fine Tuned".
Now to my real point: I can't decide what to do next.
Status updates:
- The pitch, UNKNOWN/PENDING
- Film School, CANNOT AFFORD NEXT SEMESTER
- Production Assistant work, NOT GONNA HAPPEN RIGHT NOW...maybe soon
- Being an "Extra" on different sets, CURRENTLY PAYING THE BILL BUT...
There I said it and after working on the biggest movie of 2011, after meeting one of THE biggest names in Hollywood and having him give me and a friend of mine a job personally. After getting consistently on a TV show and getting a second job to fill the gaps that the TV show did not work me for, in the end it's not enough.
Granted I though I had an in for the PA job on this next big film that is in town but those with more experience and longer relationships got it. Which I don't really begrudge them for(ok maybe a little). Really thought I am not bitter just, well exhausted and kind of shell shocked. I mean here was this...thing that came into my life and took over and I loved every second of it. Well now, there is a slim chance that I can keep working on it but not very big one. I just did a short as a way of keeping myself relevant but the contest that supposed to keep me in a certain persons mind, rejected my film. I could not even compete in the contest.
So now what, I've got one group of rappers that think I am going to help them make the best underground video of all time, and a Editor/Director friend that thinks she has a buddy who might have some money to give if some film people want to help him create content for his web-site which gets 200 hits per every video he puts out himself.
While all of this is well and good, I have $2.00(excluding other random change) dollars to my name 3 suit cases of clothes a box of paper and my laptop to my name. Oh and a cell phone bill and a storage unit bill for all my junk that is still in SO-CAL.
So two bills, no real income, and a couple of "maybe it will work" to potentially work on. Not to mention my own short "no picket fence" which seems to never be getting made. Did I mention that I need to move soon? That last one is the biggest really, with no real money coming in the "grace" of my hosts is wearing thin, as it should be.
Enough whining, it's solution time!
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